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Bar-barous

On the news that a Turkish barbers is to open in Helensburgh:

Turkish Barbers

AnElephantCant pretend that we are au fait
With the practices of old Istanbul
Now you may be right
We are not too bright
But please don’t think we are anyone’s fool

In our home town of Helton-upon-Sea
There is a new barber shop in the offing
We hope that this Turk
Doesn’t smoke when he works
So his hand will not shake with the coughing

We hear Turkish barbers clean by burning
All the hairs in your facial orifices
We are not afraid
But it has to be said
The idea brings large lumps to our oesophaguses

You know AnElephant has rather large flappers
Like wee Noddy’s old buddy Big Ears
The thought of some mug
With a match near our lug
Somehow darkens our darkest dark fears

And if he comes near our proboscis
We would surely be in a blue funk
We’re not scared to lose
Maybe one or two toes
But we’re sunk if we damage our trunk

So we will take double care with our good bits
And if this new barber decides
That we look a mess
We will say oh yes
Please give us a short back and sides

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