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A Sing – El Fish

I couldn’t let Danny Reynolds’s poem about the single fish languish in the comments section. The sing el fish (note the soft ‘g’) is a great Scottish delicacy. It can be ordered in several circumstances i.e. 1) The purchaser has insufficient funds for fish AND chips. 2) There is some crazy belief that whilst potatoes cooked in deep fat are high in calories, fish cooked in batter (also in deep fat) is just a healthy snack 3) The purchaser is so drunk he/she orders the first thing they can read on the menu.

The knife and lemon are in fact just a serving suggestion. Not normally recommended at bus stops.

Danny writes:

I was recently inspired to write on the subject of food, when my sister in law recounted her dilemna on trying to buy one solitary fish in a Balloch Chippie:

Why (how) can ye no buy a single fish in a Glasgow chippie?

“Can I just have a single fish? i.e. just ONE, not TWO?”
This simplest dietary wish, was holding up the queue.
“Am sorry, a single fish is aye two! Are you friggin’ huvvin’ a laugh?
Even if ye huv a simple Fish Supper, ye’re still getting one and a half!”
“But two fish is too much fur me” said Anetta, “The fat joost goes straight tay ma hips.
One and a half wi’ nay batter is better, but I really don’t want any chips”
The queue was soon catching that trouble was hatching.
The hungry man’s patience could not see the joke.
“Oi missis, if this is whit huzs yer brain scratching,
buy the single, eat wan, ‘n leave wan in the poke!”
Unflustered, she mustered another suggestion, “Hauf a single?” the strange request came.
“Oh fur God’s sake…Aw right, anythin’ else ya wee shite?”
“Aye! Ma wee brother here, wants the same!”

Whilst cutting and pasting there, I’m reminded of the question; “How do you know when a Drumchapel girl has reached orgasm?” Answer: “She drops her chips!”