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2012 Predictions

The blogosphere is awash with predictions so I thought I’d have a wee go too.

2012 is widely predicted to be the year the world ends. The date is supposed to be 21st December which is a Friday so if you’re paid weekly, I’d get a sub on Wednesday 19th and drink as much as you can in 48 hours. Actually the predictions come mainly from Mayan literature which also postulates that the world exists on the back of a giant alligator. It could be that the predictions are therefore allegations.

I predict that in the run up to December 21st the Daily Mail will run an in depth study on what effect the apocalypse will have on house prices in the home counties.

European leaders in preparation for the end will hold an emergency summit where agreement will generally be reached, after intense discussions lasting long into the night, that the apocalypse could be quite a bad thing really and that something should be done. David Cameron will disagree and point to the Olympic Games and the Queen’s diamond jubilee as signs that 2012 has really been a good year for the UK.

Charlie Sheen and Lynsey Lohan will be involved in controversy.

The stories of Russell Brand’s split with Katy Perry will last longer than their actual marriage. Brand will cause outrage by tweeting that his ex is a “stinky poo”. Jonathan Ross will phone Perry’s grandfather and give him a bit of gratuitous abuse.

Ricky Gervaise will be ignored by the media until he pitches up at an awards ceremony somewhere and says “spazz”

There will be concern for Alex Salmond as he shows signs of physical and mental strain as the political opposition in Scotland regroup under new leadership:

Scottish Labour will hold a post mortem into the post mortem they held after the Scottish Election in 2011. They will talk about “getting their message across” “re-engaging with voters” “listening to the electorate” and establishing a vision for the new political reality in Scotland. They will quickly drop another four percentage points in the polls.

The Scottish Conservatives will also be adjusting their political message to anyone who will listen.

No one will listen.

The Scottish Liberal Democrats will announce a new venue for their annual conference:

In sport, Scottish football clubs will announce a new competition especially for clubs in severe financial difficulties.

It will be called SPL 2.

Rangers and Hearts will apply to join.

Andy Murray will lose in the semi finals of several majors.

Scotland will finish fifth in the six nations rugby.

The Olympics will cause great excitement…..no really! and so will the Queen’s diamond jubilee!  well they will in Dave’s house.

England’s media will whip into a frenzy predicting a victory in the European championships.

Scottish predictions are based on the fact that England never fail to disappoint at major championships.

If the world does end on 21st December at least one long held statement will acquire the ring of truth.

“The DFS sale – Must end Friday!”

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Referees – Coloured Judgement?

This is from a fascinating article in the New Scientist

IMAGINE you are an experienced martial arts referee. You are asked to score a number of taekwondo bouts, shown to you on video. In each bout, one combatant is wearing red, the other blue. Would clothing colour make any difference to your impartial, expert judgement? Of course it wouldn’t.

Yet research shows it almost certainly would. Last year, sports psychologists at the University of Münster, Germany, showed video clips of bouts to 42 experienced referees. They then played the same clips again, digitally manipulated so that the clothing colours were swapped round. The result? In close matches, the scoring swapped round too, with red competitors awarded an average of 13 per cent more points than when they were dressed in blue (Psychological Science, vol 19, p 769). “If one competitor is strong and the other weak, it won’t change the outcome of the fight,” says Norbert Hagemann, who led the study. “But the closer the levels, the easier it is for the colour to tip the scale.”

So I hear you ask, how does this apply to football?

“Red also appears to exert its influence in team games. Last year, a study of 56 seasons of English soccer, led by Martin Attrill at the University of Plymouth, UK, found that, on average, teams whose first-choice kit was red finished higher in the league and won more home games than teams in other colours – which might go some way to explaining why Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal have won 38 out of 63 league titles between them since the second world war (Journal of Sports Sciences, vol 26, p 577).

Thanks Ref!

Thanks Ref!

An unpublished analysis by Hill and Barton of the Euro 2004 soccer finals in Portugal found that teams who had red as the main colour in one of their kits won more often and scored more goals when playing in that strip.”

I’m sure Ken Fitlike will be along to point out exceptions!

Meanwhile it isn’t just refs who are influenced by red strips. This article would seem to suggest that they strike fear into goalkeepers too. The bad news for Dumbarton is that white (see new strip) is seen as rather less intimidating.

I wonder if there are any plans to do a separate Scottish study involving two particular colours? 8)

Is The New England Manager A Magician?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or is he just another joker?

 

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Scots Die Laughing

 

Thank you to Scott who posted a link to this article from "The Daily Mash". It was so good I've cut and pasted it!

 

SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING Print E-mail

TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland this morning after the entire country laughed itself to death.

Image

Most would have been dead within minutes

The alarm was first raised at around 10pm last night as thousands of phone calls and text messages went unanswered.

Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle ventured north just after midnight only to find houses full of dead people gathered around still blaring television sets.

By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal rupture.

Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of 70 shilling. They seemed to be at peace."

He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and pants round his knees.

"It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."

Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 9.50pm.

"He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."

Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.

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Steve McClaren, an Impossible Job and the English Media.

As I have stated elsewhere on this blog, I love England and the English. However this does not prevent me from taking childish, nay puerile delight in our large neighbour's sporting misfortune. It's the media you see. Now I know that the Scottish media got their collective knickers in a twist over our game with Italy. However I would contend that they were simply capturing the mood of the nation i.e. renewed optimism in our football team and a growing confidence in our small country. With one exception (Berti Vogts) I cannot remember one Scotland manager getting a particularly hard time from the media.

Then there's England. It really is time for the English media and the English football fans in general to grow up. Last night's defeat by Croatia was predictable and really only saved them from further humiliation in Euro 2008. It is fair to say that Steve McClaren has not been a resounding success in the job but really he was on to a loser from day one. His appointment was greeted with a combination of underwhelment and hostility but things have deteriorated since then. Every England manager since Sir Alf Ramsay has suffered the same treatment at some stage. The FA usually go for a top club manager with a record of success. In recent times they tried hiring a man who was regarded as one of the finest coaches in the world, Sven Goran Eriksson. Sven's reputation and managerial record was no protection for what awaited him, he didn't stand a chance with the Saxon press reptiles and the growing collection of ex England inernationalists who seem eager to queue up to put the boot in to the England boss whoever he may be. England only have one more crack at a major trophy before it'll be "Fifty years of hurt". Good luck to the new boss whoever he may be. I hope you enjoy your two year (maximum) tenure and are able to endure the criticism, nastiness and downright venom of the fourth estate. Good luck too to Steve McClaren he seems a decent man and I'm sure he'll do a good job for someone back in club management.

 

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