…..Google and Facebook intend to inform users ‘if they have been spied upon’
A few bon mots (and a photo) from the Facebook Group ‘Overheard in Glasgow’
Victoria Park recently. Man walking Pug pup is asked “Haw mate, is that a dug?”, he replies “Of course it is, what did you think it was, an elephant?”.
“Naw mate, ah meant is it a dug or a bitch?”.
In the chemist waiting for prescription. In walks Methadone client. Chemist- “Are you here for your methadone?” Client -”Aye an’ mines the sugar free wan!”
Glasgow divorce lawyer to his female client: “Do you have any contact with your former partner?’
Client: “Aye, he sometimes pokes me”
Divorce lawyer: “So you are back together again?”
1st Ned – Why is that guy nicknamed `slasher`…is he a chib man or something?
2nd Ned – Naw he’s incontinent!
In Primark, a young girl on the phone to her mum, ‘They’ve only Goat a extra large, but the lassie says it wull stretch!
In McDonalds, Trongate. New-start reading the training manual says to another girl “How come Fanta isnae suitable for vegetarians? Is it cos it’s got oranges in it?”
One old woman at a bus stop in the Gorbals was telling her pal that she’d recently been burgled, “…the manky bastard went an’ shat in ma pot o’ mince….hud tae throw hauf o’ it oot”
Took my Fiat Multipla for it’s MOT, the mechanic says to me “You’ll never get a burd wi that hing pal, it’s like a fuckin aquarium on wheels!” Sadly I’m yet to prove him wrong…
on a 38 bus in the centre of town there was a group of neds sitting at the back of the top deck. Ned 1. in the bus recognized Ned 2. out on the street and proceeded to bang really hard on the window to gain his ned friend’s attention. Ned 3. on the bus intervened and asked Ned 1. “whit ye dain? Ye’ll pure smash that wi…ndow.” Ned 4. on the bus said “aw whit man, listen tae him talkin aw proper. “WINDOW?!”. It’s fuckin “windae” ya daftie.”
(From our own Alan Findlay)
We have a wee guy in our workplace who is a typical Glesga boy. Mixes metaphors and gets phrases muddled up. In his dialect accent, they all sound brilliant.
Like : “Haw, you, you make ma blood curdle!”
Or : “See yon wee guy that runs the coarnur shoap? Pure robbin’ basturt! If he was Dick Whittington he’d be werrin’ a mask!”
Teacher to young pupil in Glasgow, use the word contagious in a sentence, kid looks puzzled and eventually comes out with “my maws stopped sending my brer tae the shop fir fags cos she says every time he goes it takes the c**t ages”!!!
Nedette that works in the shop down the road from me the other day to one of her colleagues:
“Tell yur burd ahm takin yi aff her. And gies Bebo luv or ahm gonnae stab yur eyes!”
Mother and grandmother to small child running towards busy road in the town centre: ‘Slow doon Thomas’, ‘Aye, if ye get ran ower we’re no taking ye tae the fuckin hosptial’
And an oldie but goodie (as reminisced by sonsdiary) – Celtic were struggling in a match and the tactical change meant that the less than impressive Enrico Anone was going to take to the field as a substitute. One Parkhead compatriot was heard uttering the immortal line:
“Aw naw! no’ Anoni oan an’ aw noo!”
Cutest little girl (guess about 4) in asda with her gran, little girl accidently walks into someone, Gran says:
‘Oh, now what do you say?’
little girl turns to look her gran in the face and replies: