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I was talking with some friends today and we were remarking on how much we liked the annual ‘Christmas Gnome Mart’ in Private Eye. It’s a spoof newspaper mail order page of cutting edge products.

For instance this year’s Gnome Mart features this:

frack and this:

methAnd yet, only yesterday I was alerted to thisthis by our correspondent Stu Who?


Where does humour end and real life begin?


From Private Eye


The Queen’s Speech

From Private Eye

Witch Hunt

Private Eye takes up the theme…….

Ferncake mentioned Ms Brooks in connection with the Salem Witch Trial tonight. I wonder if he had seen this beforehand.


I’ve noticed an advert in the Private Eye from a company called “Red Molotov” who produce T shirts bearing slogans.

Lower Middle Class Hero T-Shirt: Let’s not deny it now, these days you’re a tiny little bit petit bourgeoisie. So throw away your Lennon-inspired original and rejoice in your new found lower-middle-class status.

Science Flies you to the Moon, Religion Flies You Into Buildings T-Shirt: Victor Stenger’s simple, yet effective, manifesto for atheism made by a juxtaposing of two of the most famous achievements of both religion and science.

Karl Marx “I Warned You This Would Happen” T-Shirt: So, it has been established that free-market capitalism merely leads to rampant greed and exploitation and results in an inevitable financial collapse. Whoever would have thought it? Well, Karl Heinrich Marx warned you about all this almost 150 years ago.

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.” Leo Tolstoy shows no mercy for superficiality.

For the cynical amongst you….

From today’s Private Eye.


From Private Eye

This fortnight’s edition just dropped through the door.

Eye Laugh

I’ve been a subscriber to Private Eye Magazine for more than thirty years.

Each new issue never fails to give me a hearty chuckle.

For example here is this edition’s front cover:

And here is the current collection from ‘Dumb Britain’, where the random and frankly downright daft answers given by contestants on broadcast quizzes are highlighted:

Happy 50th Lord Gnome

Aye. Private Eye magazine is 50 years old. I have been a subscriber for 31 of those years. I think part of the enduring success of Private Eye is that it has remained recognisable throughout, resisting any temptation of a makeover or a move to glossy paper . It’s a rare occasion when the front cover doesn’t produce a laugh:

(Click on an image to enlarge)

The Private Eye Covers Library is HERE

One of my favourite columns, now entitled ‘Funny Old World’, for many years went under the name ‘True Stories’. In both incarnations, weird, wonderful and downright bizarre stories from around the world were/are recounted from various publications. One of the most memorable has to be the following story of Faggot the gerbil:

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted for treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon’, my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

“At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone’s moustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

“Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters: “It’s Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen’s tradesman’s entrance … ”

Five Minutes With Ian Hislop

The editor of Private Eye and ever present panelist on Have I Got News for You? is a smug, self satisfied individual.

He can be pretty insulting to his fellow panelists and it’s fair to say he’s a smart arse.

I think he’s brilliant.

Here he is in a five minute interview with the BBC.