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Ageing Disgracefully

I noticed this article in the Guardian this morning. It’s essentially about ageing and one’s attitude to it.

I generally like to think I have a fairly young outlook on life but two things keep intervening -i.e. the wrinkly grey haired reflection staring back from the mirror, and of course the involuntary reactionary outbursts at the world around me.

I’m not quite sure how long I’ve been coming out with conversation themed on the relative price of goods, the relative quality of music and the relative attitude of teenagers in the time-frame from 1976 to present but it has been a while.

That apart I am genuinely shocked when I see people that I was at school with. I’ll see people I maybe haven’t seen for 20-25 years and think “Christ! they look old and done. Thank goodness I don’t look as old as that!” Safe and secure in the knowledge that they of course will not be remotely thinking the same as they look back at me.

The thing that really shocks me is the way that some have so readily succumbed to the trappings of middle age. I mean perhaps religiously dressing one’s self from Marks and Spencers or ordering a pair of vinyl shoes (stylish! comfortable!) from the classifieds in the Daily Express.

I saw an old classmate the other day. He was clothed almost entirely in a shade somewhere between beige and misty buff. A baldy heid, and pepper moustache and accompanying grandchild topped off the image. He looked about 80 but was in fact around 53

And yet I find myself looking at Volvos and Hondas as a possible means of transport. I’ve also become increasingly aware of advertising for funeral expenses, Saga Holidays and cheaper car insurance for the decrepit.

Going back to the Guardian article, they ask how old you are and how old you feel.

I am of course 35 but I feel much younger than that.

How about you?

The Rant….A Postscript.

I may have given the impression in my rant the other day that I didn’t care about prison conditions. In fact I received a long and thoughtful email from a reader expressing disappointment with some of the views expressed.

Let me make it clear that I became acutely aware of prison conditions at a young age. I experienced them at very close quarters and in 1970s Glasgow they were grim indeed. Sewing and lettering mailbags was no urban legend. That was what many inmates had to do for their 25p per week.

Some of the more resourceful ones would blag ink from that job so that they could top up their ballpoint pens and therefore write more letters home to loved ones.

Visiting was one hour per week.

There was a culture of beatings by prison officers on inmates.

And I’m acutely aware too that there were many injustices. At that time a safe blower called Johnny Ramenski was in Barlinnie as an elderly man. British intelligence had used him and his skills during the second world war but he was quickly forgotten and abandoned when his heroism and risk taking were no longer needed.

Fortunately conditions and culture have improved in many ways since then.

I perhaps got a bit carried away with my remarks about Nat Fraser, but the fact that there are many people who really should never have seen the inside of prison walls threw the Fraser case into sharp focus for me.

On this father’s day I hope sincerely that prison conditions continue to improve.

Forty Years Ago

Well, forty years ago yesterday:

I was eleven at the time. I had one of those plastic wallets (think I still have it somewhere) with all the coins in it.

Joe, who works with me still regularly converts back to old money. When a 20 year old asks him the price of something, you should see the look that the answer “thirty bob” elicits.

And if you were in any doubt just how much our tastes and attitudes have changed since Britain went decimal, check this out:

Over or Under?

Based on answers there will be a follow up tomorrow to say what your response says about you.



Or under?

The End of Free Speech?

Andy Gray and Richard Keys possibly inhabit a world which hasn’t moved on much from a kind of Bernard Manning/Jim Davidson circa 1975 axis. I wouldn’t have said the kind of things they said the other day and nor do I approve of them. However the remarks they came away with were obviously meant as a joke, no matter how tasteless that joke was. Gray’s behaviour towards the young female TV presenter in the clip I posted was boorish and ignorant. Again the eejit thought it was funny and the woman (Charlotte?) sent him a disdainful look which silently (and correctly) suggested ‘You sad pathetic individual’.

In the grand scheme of things these incidents were wrong but dare I say it, were no big deal.

I’m baffled though. I had a chat yesterday with a pal of mine who defended Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand at the time of ‘Sachsgate’. I thought their leaving the remarks they did on a voicemail and broadcasting it to millions was akin to walking over to someone in a restaurant and gobbing on their meal.

My friend who defended them at the time thought it was quite correct for Gray and Keys to be sacked when their tasteless but private remarks were overheard.Yet he continues to defend Ross and Brand for a very personal verbal attack on an old man and his granddaughter which was quite deliberately broadcast to an audience of millions.

Where are we as a society when a broadcaster can show  fully scripted and pre recorded shows containing material which mocks disability and goodness knows how many other discriminatory subjects with impunity? and yet will not tolerate an overheard private conversation?

Maybe the thought police have the answer.

Footnote: On last night’s Question Time, Edwna Currie came away with the following:

“I cheered when Andy Gray was sacked for his totally unacceptable remarks and behaviour. He is nothing but a fat slob”.


This is Caroline Spelman.

Who she?

She is the environment secretary and is the second most powerful woman in the cabinet.

When asked about the French ban on the burka, Mrs Spelman insisted that it (the burka) was “empowering”. She told Sky News: “I take a strong view on this, actually.

“I don’t, living in this country as a woman, want to be told what I can and can’t wear.

“One of the things we pride ourselves on in this country is being free, and being free to choose what you wear is a part of that, so actually banning the burka is absolutely contrary I think to what this country is all about.

“I’ve been out to Afghanistan and I think I understand much better as a result of actually visiting why a lot of Muslim women want to wear the burka.

“It is part of their culture, it is part of understanding that they choose to go out in the burka and I think those that live in this country, if they choose to wear a burka, should be free to do so.”

Dearie me. There are reasons for not banning the burka but to somehow portray the garment as empowering and dignified, is frankly bonkers.

The best quote has to be:

“I don’t, living in this country as a woman, want to be told what I can and can’t wear.”


Temperance – The Pros and Cons

Enough to drive you to drink?

Thanks Amo.

Funny You Should Say That?

Frankie Boyle.

You know I have rolled about laughing at some of his stuff on Mock the Week and I accept totally that comedy sometimes has to push boundaries.


What on earth is funny about Downs Syndrome?

What kind of people would laugh at people with that condition?

What kind of person must Boyle be to further insult those parents after he realised his faux-pas?

Or is it as I heard one comedian explain today, all a matter of   “context”?

Tanzie Smith and her mum Sharon.

Victoria Wright sums it up pretty well in the Guardian. Like Victoria, I could laugh at Jimmy Carr’s Paralympic joke and I say that as someone who has a good friend who is a Paralympian I’m sure Kenny would laugh too.

The difference is that in Carr’s case we are laughing at an absurd outcome of events, not at the personnel who have been injured.

In Boyle’s case he was simply poking fun at disability and that’s as wrong as Bernard Manning or Chubby Brown in full flight.


Happiness Is……..

Did you know there was a thing called the Movement for Happiness? I learned this the other day when I heard on the radio that they were looking for a National Director at a reputed salary of £80,000 per year. I imagine that will make someone very happy indeed.

It set me thinking. What makes us happy? What would make us happy? What is happiness anyway? Is it a warm gun? a cigar called Hamlet? South Indian garlic chicken with coriander? A Macallan 18 year old with a sherry oak finish? A good woman?….. A bad woman?

According to Helen Keller, “True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
“You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.” So said Bette Davis
Samuel Johnson said that ” Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords.”

Here are some more definitions:

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Happiness is an inner state of well being. A state of well being enables you to profit from your highest: thoughts, wisdom, intelligence, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values in your life.” – Lionel Ketchian
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” – Aristotle
“Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.” – Ambrose Bierce
“Life can be divided into the horrible and miserable.” – Woody Allen
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” – Albert Schweitzer

So dear reader, how would you define happiness and what makes or would make you happy?

Tosser Makes Good Point

What Kid Rock is trying to say here I think, is if you’re going to steal his “music” and think it doesn’t matter because he’s rich, then steal anything you like. Go on! Ipods, computers, cars or old Warren Zevon and Skynyrd riffs!

It’s ok!

Thanks to my blogfriend Ken Fitlike


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