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Ooh! You are awful!

An email arrives fae Colin the piper.

12 of the finest double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator – ‘This is really a lovely filly. I once rode her mother.’

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.’

3.. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – ‘And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – ‘Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.’

5. US PGA Commentator – ‘One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .. Oh my god !! What have I just said??’

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ said: ‘You’d eat beaver if you could get it.’

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ‘So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?’ Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: ‘Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.’

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on ‘Look North’ said: ‘There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. ‘

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on ‘Sky Sports’: ‘Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.’

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1′s UK eclipse coverage remarked: ‘They seem cold out there. They’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.’

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ‘Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.’

Angry!

There’s a rather funny series of photos of “Angry People in Local Newspapers” here

For instance here’s a man expressing his anger at finding a piece of wire in a tin of Spam

Here lies an honest politician…….

Love and Hate

It’s quite amazing how words objects and products attain a status quite different from their original meaning or purpose.

I remember a few years ago an older relative saying to someone that it was a nice anorak they were wearing. “It’s not an anorak it’s a jacket” came the answer.

Anorak.

How did it progress from being an outer garment of warm rainwear to being an insult?

How does a waterproof jacket with a quilted lining become a byword for an expert in a given subject who has specialised in information to a such a degree to render it boring?

Maybe it originated with trainspotters wearing anoraks? And hasn’t that term become an insult in itself?  “Aye he’s a bit of a trainspotter eh?”

When did something which was rather twee or prosaic become ‘cheesey’?

And when did ‘gay’ attain its modern connotation?

Liberace - subject of scurrilous allegations

Actually the answer to that is from fairly obscure origins in the early 20th century. However it came into its own when Liberace (successfully) sued newspapers in the 1950s for daring to suggest that he was homosexual. The media then, in reference to one of Liberace’s songs “I’ll be seeing you” referred to him as “light and gay”

Maybe you think that’s pants? Hey! there’s another one!

Then there’s trade names. Hoover became a byword for a vacuum cleaner before becoming a verb “I’m just hoovering the living room”.

A Jeep describes a 4wd utility vehicle – even if its a Landrover.

You’d think that manufacturers would be pleased that their name becomes a generic description of a product.However, Portakabin’s protection of their name is legendary in the media. Unless the building being described IS in fact a Portakabin then it should be described as a “portable modular building” or similar according to their solicitors Messrs Sue, Grabitt and Runne.

There’s quite an amusing account of how Private Eye dealt with a letter from them here.

Some changes in language and connotation have been quite deliberate on the part of manufacturers and service providers. I’m not sure if it was ever humorous to ask an ATM “Is the manager in?” in the style of the old Bank of Scotland ad. People still refer to their ‘flexible friend’ when talking about their credit card due to an ad for Access from thirty years ago. Who’d have thought the word ‘compare’ would ever have people immediately think of an irritating song or a meerkat?

Who would ever have imagined that a yeast extract spread could define love and hate? or describe polarised opinion on everything from literature, music, arts and politics?

or Christmas?

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