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Nurse! The Screens!

AnElephantCant always be serious
As we create exquisite Burnsian verses
We think you will find
We have focussed our mind
When some bloke has a pop at our nurses

This numpty who sits up on high
Says their uniforms must not be revealing
In their starchy white
They make us feel all right
No matter what’s broke or how bad we’re feeling

Every schoolboy has affection for nurses
They’re efficient and gentle and kind
Though it’s far in the past
These memories last
Some things you just can’t leave behind

These good ladies take care of our problems
When we are lying all bandaged in bed
AnElephant’s plea
Is just leave them be
Although we may be quite old we’re not dead

Shopkeepin’

As regular readers know, my part time job outside blogging is as owner/manager of a Pet Store. It’s been not a bad journey these 27 years but some days, like I suppose any job can affect anyone, it sucks.

Yesterday was such a day. There are several things which are absolutely guaranteed to send me into grumpy old man mode. Number one is unruly wild children whose parents seem to suffer from 1) Blindness 2) Deafness and 3) Complete lack of parental responsibility.

One such family with three little cherubs was in yesterday. “Mammy mammy!” screamed a wee boy at approximately the decibel level of the loudest chainsaw you’ve ever heard, as he simultaneously shoulder charged an aquarium, “Look at that mad wee fish!”. His two sisters had positioned themselves behind the counter mixing various loose foods to their own recipe.

The mother, with grubby hands, had her head buried in one of our books (obviously under the impression that the shop is in fact a library) as the faither who was probably the most glaikit individual I’ve seen in some time, managed to inquire, despite having a mouth full of Greggs sausage roll  “Huv yez no’ goat any cheaper dog leads?”

“Than £1.50 sir?… eh no”

Meanwhile the two sisters had progressed to the dog toy display area where they proceeded to systematically pick up each toy and return it to a different location. In between times they would (presumably for quality control purposes) press each one to make it squeak.

SQUEAAAAAAAK! SQUEEEEEAAAAAAAAAK! sqeak squeak!

squeak……squeak………squeak! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!

“Mammmy! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmy! AH WAAAANT A RABBIT” yelled the boy, the decibel level has now reached that of the take off of a Jumbo Jet

“Mammmy! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmy! AH WAAAANT A RAAAAABBIT”

“Mammmy! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmy! AH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT A RAAAAAAAAAAABBIT”

Mammy is blissfully eating a Greggs steak bake, carefully dropping bits of it into the book as the wee boy by this time has ruptured the eardrums of everyone within twenty yards.

The girls are running around the shop yelling like banshees.

The only consolation I can find is that I will never have to visit their house.

The next “pet hate” is the customer who comes in for advice and insists after each question on interrupting you as you attempt to answer.

“Ma fish tank’s durty -how?”

“Well…..”

“Is the filter broke?”

“Eh well…..”

“Whit kind of fish can ah keep in wi they wans?”

“Those are…..”

“How much is that tank?”

“It’s……..”

“How many fish could I keep in that?”

“About……”

This is a common occurrence and one which I’m increasingly in danger of one day framing my response as……

“Look! wil you SHUT the F*** UP and LISTEN!!! Don’t ask me a question if you have no intention of listening to the answer!!!”

Did I mention about people who seem completely unable to stand up unaided without sprawling themselves over the counter as they talk to you?

Maybe I can leave that for another day.

 

 

 

Secret Scotland

It’s as if I need another excuse to waste precious time conduct more educational research on the internet.

Toronto Tam sends me a link to a brilliant site called Secret Wiki Scotland which contains fantastically interesting details about some of Scotland’s hidden corners.

For example a quick look through the contents for stuff local to the BLFP finds information on the location of a World War 2 searchlight in Helensburgh. Particularly interesting to me because I understand that later my grandfather had a scrapyard and depot near to the location. I have been told that some of the local worthies at the time referred to the yard as being in “Handover Street”

The seafront at Hanover Street Helensburgh

Then there’s a piece on the Loch Lomond Radium Works (I kid you not!)

There are links provided to the Royal Commission For Ancient Monuments site which gives info on the Dumbuck Aviation Fuel Store and the Denny Tank in Dumbarton

The photos there include a wartime ariel shot of Dumbarton taken by the Luftwaffe as well as other contemporary gems. The photo of the experimantal ship tank is instantly recognisable as the building continues to exist as a museum.

There’s also a shot of the fitting out basin at Denny’s, now the home of Dumbarton FC.

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These are the types of site where this blogger can get lost for hours.

Fascinating stuff.

Happy browsing.

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