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Beautiful Poem

I wonder if you saw the story earlier this week about the “Beautiful People” website (A dating site for, er “beautiful people” only) being hacked by a disgruntled former employee? Apparently as The Guardian reports, the “Shrek virus” allowed in more than 30,000 new members who didn’t quite meet the criteria for the site.

The walls were breached, but not for long. It was reported today that due to a software malfunction nicknamed Shrek, 30,000 ugly people managed to join the dating website Beautiful People. Normally all applicants to Beautiful People are vetted by a panel of already Beautiful People and, if they are ugly, they are not allowed to join. But due to a “disgruntled former employee” the site broke – like a toenail! – and the ugly stormed in, in an angry ooze of big thighs and swastika-shaped eyebrows.

I do wonder about the veracity of all this because the report states that the poor wee insecure beauties were being offered counselling after the breach.

Anyway, my poetic pal Danny Reynolds was tickled by the story and sends this crochety rhyme:

The “Beautiful People” have suffered a loss,
and the after effects may well linger.
30,000 new members should please any boss,
unless all those, bar one, was a minger.

A plague o’ plug-uglies had got through the gate,
the state of the site was a wreck.
Integrity shattered, this crude crime of hate
had unveiled a vile virus called “Shrek”.

The beautiful Swedes and Norwegians were shocked
and dismissed first reports as just skittish.
But the photos would show that their ranks had been rocked…
an invasion of Irish and British!

Asymmetric visages were alas, no mirages
these dog rough-ians had ruined their game.
With their eyes, big as pies, centred by onion bhaji’s
to the Beautiful folk, they brought shame.

So the Board said “Oh my!” and then promised to try
to allay all the chic members’ fear.
Sent a blanket reply to each new girl and guy…
“Quasimodo! You’re not welcome here!!!

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6 Responses

  1. You drove me to my on-line dictionary resources for a definition of “minger” which, I understand, has a disputed etymology:

    from minge (pudenda) + -er
    Scots ming (O.Sc. meng, O.E. mengan)
    ming (human excrement) + -er

    There are also references to a certain region of the female anatomy. I haven’t been this excited since I learned the word “wanker” while playing in a darts league!

    As you have probably figured out, I am a very boring person who gets absurdedly excited over things like words I’ve never seen before. Is it spoken as “ming-er” or “min-jer?” What is its origin? Is it as rude as it looks?

    If I’m going to use a word I want to be sure I’m pronouncing it correctly and using it in the right context. 🙂

  2. The pronunciation is ‘minger’ as in ‘singer’ or ‘ringer’

    It’s a noun derived from the adjective/verb ‘minging’ which in Scots use means either smelly, unpleasant or considerably below par in a broad range of circumstances (the g at the end is optional).

    For example:

    “Aw man! your farts are pure mingin'”. (Note too the use of pure as an adverb)

    “Ah hud a pie there. It wiz mingin’ ”

    “I was at the football on Saturday – the team were minging”

    And so the transposition to noun takes effect thus:

    “Man! whit aboot yon burd you got aff wi’ at the weekend? She wiz a minger!”

    (The young lady with whom you shared your affections at the weekend, was not blessed with classical beauty.)

    “Senga! whit were ye thinkin’ aboot? Yon Hughie is a minger!”

    (Agnes! have you taken leave of your senses? No matter how worthy Hugh may be as a human being, he’s about as attractive as vegetarian pizza)

    BTW Jenifer, you’ve actually included the reference to female anatomy; from minge (pudenda).

  3. PML! (Scots equivalent to the popular LOL) as in “Pishin Mahsel Laffin”
    Only in the BLFP could such a grammatical lesson take place.

  4. “Aw man! your farts are pure mingin’” will be more handy than you may have realized, my being married to a man and all.

    He is a master of the medium, a skill he waited until our honeymoon to disclose. After five and a half years together I had thought I knew what I was getting into. Nope. Turned out he’s the Winton Marsalis of flatulence.

    It seems “pudenda” is the plural of “pudendum,” and in googling the term I ran across references to “pudenda power” and “the pudenda agenda.” If one has nothing better to do, such googling can make for an amusing diversion. And hey — now I know the origin of “poon” — not that I had been losing any sleep over my ignorance. 🙂

    Thank you for the informative and entertaining language lesson — it was most assuredly not mingin’!

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