Nice to be able to pull in on the way home from work and appreciate a view like this for a few moments…..
To complete a trio of readers’ contributions, Claret and Amber, a man with an eye for the bizarre, sends me the following list of crazy laws;
25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs
24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the
British monarch upside down.
22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.
21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is
illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know,
though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.
20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while
driving a vehicle.
19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.
18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a
barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.
17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere
she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.
16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by
a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.
15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police
14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.
13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of
longbow practice a day.
12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across
London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to
drive geese down Cheapside.
11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a
10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do
so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his
9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be
8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than
7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before
sunrise and from staying after sunset.
6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the
ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city
limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking,
are merely “pet minders”.
4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their
husbands to wear false teeth.
3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the
2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals
but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination;
he may only see their reflection in a mirror.
1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally
the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the
Queen – in case she needs the bones for her corset.
And talking of poetic pals, Brian and Phil, they of AnElephantCant fame have been busy doing some good work with special needs kids in East Kilbride. They have several children’s books under the title “Jack the Little Giant” and they have produced a bit of theatre from these that the kids can get involved in.
As the STV website reports:
Scottish writer Brian Cairnduff has embraced the production of his book into a piece of theatre by a Scottish primary school after it was selected to be shown by the National Theatre of Scotland to a worldwide stage.
His series, The Adventures of Jack the Little Giant, was introduced to East Kilbride’s Greenhills Primary School during a workshop last year and inspired the children to recreate the story for the Five Minute Theatre project.
STV are streaming the 24 hour event to a global audience and will include over 200 productions.
Greenburn Primary School – a school for children with complex addition support needs – will perform The Adventures of Jack the Little Giant and the Clock Tower.
Speaking about the theatre project, Deputy headteacher Fiona MacGregor, said: “We are all very excited, it is a great idea.
“The author of The Adventures of Jack the Little Giant series, Brian Cairnduff, came into the school last year along with the illustrator of the books, Philip Burns, to run a workshop with the children.
“The whole school took part in making a giant Jack and since then Brian has maintained contact. He suggested that we enter Five Minute Theatre and it is just fantastic that we’ve been chosen.
“We use new sound technology at Greenburn which allows the children to perform musical pieces and we will work out sound to go with the story.
I wonder if you saw the story earlier this week about the “Beautiful People” website (A dating site for, er “beautiful people” only) being hacked by a disgruntled former employee? Apparently as The Guardian reports, the “Shrek virus” allowed in more than 30,000 new members who didn’t quite meet the criteria for the site.
The walls were breached, but not for long. It was reported today that due to a software malfunction nicknamed Shrek, 30,000 ugly people managed to join the dating website Beautiful People. Normally all applicants to Beautiful People are vetted by a panel of already Beautiful People and, if they are ugly, they are not allowed to join. But due to a “disgruntled former employee” the site broke – like a toenail! – and the ugly stormed in, in an angry ooze of big thighs and swastika-shaped eyebrows.
I do wonder about the veracity of all this because the report states that the poor wee insecure beauties were being offered counselling after the breach.
Anyway, my poetic pal Danny Reynolds was tickled by the story and sends this crochety rhyme:
The “Beautiful People” have suffered a loss,
and the after effects may well linger.
30,000 new members should please any boss,
unless all those, bar one, was a minger.
A plague o’ plug-uglies had got through the gate,
the state of the site was a wreck.
Integrity shattered, this crude crime of hate
had unveiled a vile virus called “Shrek”.
The beautiful Swedes and Norwegians were shocked
and dismissed first reports as just skittish.
But the photos would show that their ranks had been rocked…
an invasion of Irish and British!
Asymmetric visages were alas, no mirages
these dog rough-ians had ruined their game.
With their eyes, big as pies, centred by onion bhaji’s
to the Beautiful folk, they brought shame.
So the Board said “Oh my!” and then promised to try
to allay all the chic members’ fear.
Sent a blanket reply to each new girl and guy…
“Quasimodo! You’re not welcome here!!!