• December 2008
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Happy New Year!

Due to us all going to a hogmanay party tonight,  This will be my final posting of 2008. I’d just like to wish everyone a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

This is apparently the original song and lyrics of Auld Lang Syne. Very simple and good.

Lang may yer lum reek!

Those New Year Honours

Order of the Give Him a Knighthood and Keep the Scots Happy – Chris Hoy

O.J.T (Order of the Janitor and Train Driver) – For services to driving a train for 40 years- Wally Notworththwaite from Preston. For services to being a school janitor (also drinking tea and reading the Daily Star) for 38 years – Kevin Pinochet from Dagenham.

O.B.E (Order of the Boring Exploits) For services to reviving the most naff TV show ever made and conning the brain dead public into voting by phone at premium rates – John Sergeant and Bruce “Brucie” Forsyth.

O.U.W (Order of the Unfunny Wallapper*) – For services to smugness condescension and humour bypass surgery- Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand.

O.P. (Order of the Popinjay) – For services to flowery language whilst simultaneously talking pish- George Galloway MP

O.U.K.F (Order of the Undiscovered Kiddie Fiddler) – For services to scouting for boys over many years, odd looking batchelor in his 40’s- Christopher Hardin.

O.T.G (Order of the Token Gesture) – For services to skivvying, Tea lady at the Sadandforlorn Community Centre- Elsie Stalin.

O.P.B (Order of the Perennial Bore) – For services to complete, constant and relentless boredom over decades – Sir Terence of Wogan and Sir Cliff of Richard.

O.B.B. (Order of the Busybody) For services to poking her nose in everywhere and writing idiotic nonsense to the papers, Chairperson of the Councilscheme Tenants Association, Dorothy Hitler from Bethnal Green.

**O.B.E  For services to Scholarship.Emeritus Professor of Byzantine Studies, University of Birmingham-Professor Anthony Applemore Mornington Bryer.

* A Wallapper is a Scots word which likens a person to a male appendage.

** Actually this one is genuine!

(That’s enough honours-ed.)

More End to End Stuff

Nothing like the festive season to lose half your readership and ALL your commenters!

I’ll soldier on nonetheless. I mentioned the footy book (a couple of weeks ago) End to End Stuff which is a cornucopia of useless facts and stories about football.

One which caught my eye was that the career of legendary Everton and England player Dixie Dean although having ended in 1930, can be linked to a current international by just two players’ careers.

When Dean was still playing for Everton in 1930, Stanley Matthews made his debut for Stoke City. In 1965 when Matthews was still playing (in his second spell at Stoke) Peter Shilton made his debut for Leicester City. In 1997 Shilton played his last game for Leyton Orient by which time David Beckham was already playing for Manchester United.

Unwanted Gifts

I’m thinking of selling off a few of my Christmas presents on Ebay. Can any readers suggest a fair price for a 500ml jar of myrrh?

Sobriety Test

For those of us who have to go to work today and may be worried over our alcohol consumption over Christmas. So long as the picture appears perfectly still you’re ok. If it appears to move you may still have dangerous amounts of alcohol in your system.


Now if that’s alright try this one:


Remember for complete sobriety there has to be no movement.

PS If you don’t believe me they aren’t moving, pick one spot in each picture and concentrate on that. If it still moves phone an ambulance.

Hail Stone

Sometimes it’s just too easy to dismiss the mysterious powers of inanimate objects.

Helpless Dancer

I’d just like to say that my thoughts and prayers are with my fellow blogger and good friend Helpless Dancer whose lovely wife Fiona is seriously ill. Yes I did say thoughts and prayers and if I can quote my fellow atheist and friend Alastair, I know there is no one to pray to but in this case I pray nonetheless.

Uncle George RIP

When I was a kid, one of my favourite family visits was to my uncle and aunt’s farm. My two cousins were near me in age and the farm was a great place to play and explore. The barns full of hay, the hen house, climbing the trees etc. My uncle was a typical farmer. Strong, hard working and focussed. He was also blessed with a great sense of humour and was always at the kidding on when I was young. In later life he and my aunt went on to run a successful B&B business.

Even up until a few weeks ago any visit would be punctuated with a joke or two from George. Unfortunately recently he began to show symptoms of dementia and had to be admitted to hospital. He never came out and after taking a turn for the worse on Friday evening he died yesterday morning.

I know my aunt and cousins look in here occasionally. I’d just like to say how sorry I am to lose such a much loved uncle and you have my deepest sympathy.

Songs for Aedan and Friends


The Midget Millers on stage.

I haven’t done too much playing and performing during 2008 and most of what I have done has been charity related. Last Night at the Victoria Hall in Helensburgh I was priveleged to play in front of hundreds of locals who had made, by their ticket purchase, a contribution to “Songs for Aedan and Friends”. The fundraising was inspired by young Aedan McGinley who is a wee boy from a well known local family. He unfortunately suffers from a coronary condition. Yorkhill Hospital where Aedan attends has until now had to LEASE a vital piece of equipment involved in his care.


Some of the hundreds who attended last night's event.

Local singer Tommy Sharkey heard about this and set about staging a series of events starring local bands and musicians. Tommy asked me to play with his band “The Midget Millers” so called because they are a Frankie Miller Tribute act. The set is augmented by a couple of Doors numbers and they also did a storming version of Amy Winehouse’s Valerie. I got a real buzz from playing the moothie with them.
There are of course issues surrounding the fact that charitable events have to be held to raise money for hospital equipment whilst banks and car companies are bailed out willy-nilly. That said young Aedan and many other youngsters will benefit from the efforts of Tommy and his helpers. The total raised over the series of events was more than £23,000. The original target was £9,000. The lady who accepted the cheque on behalf of Yorkhill was it is fair to say, gobsmacked at the total.
Well done to everyone concerned.

Warning! Irresponsible Web Content!

This is of course a responsible blog which respects authority and would never countenance or condone any puerile insult or possible injury to a world leader.

For information and research purposes only I would ask you to click here to see a shameful example of the kind of subversive nonsense that is peddled on the world wide web.