• November 2008
    M T W T F S S
  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 285 other followers

  • Archives

  • Categories

  • Recent Posts

  • Reviewers’ Comments

    "Great read every day. Makes me smile as Rab muses about music and his irreverent views on the EU. Tune in, you won't be disappointed."

    "Excellent 'Blog' which can be controversial at times, while maintaining it's humour. Keep it up Big Rab!"

    "Updated every day with doses of good humour, political satire, a running commentary on the progress of author's home football team and his life."

    "Pure brilliant, so it is - I never miss it, though God knows, I've tried."

    "An inspiration to start my own blog"

    "For dipping into it's better than pakora sauce"

    "Anyone who doesn't like the EU and has a soft spot for Albion Rovers can't be all bad"

    "Facile and False"

    "Populist,puerile and prosaic"

    "Utter pish! Keep it up, I love it!"

    "People may also find the Ben Lomond Free Press blog illuminating, interesting and/or amusing. It’s not mentalist as such but familiar themes emerge. I particularly like accounts of encounters with strange elementals (of course! ELEmentals!) from elfin safety. And the fact that the blog is run by someone who plays in a blues band called Harmonica Lewinsky."

  • Hit Me!

    • 1,396,987 hits since January 2008
  • Top Rated

Separated at Birth?

From today’s Private Eye

Alex Salmond


Edited to include this from Stu Who?


Strange Fruit

‘Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing that you don’t put a tomato in a fruit salad!’

Bigrab 2008

There are of course many and various ways in which the EU invites ridicule upon itself (see TBLFP passim). However perhaps the most ludicrous and celebrated EU rules relate to funny shaped fruit and veg. Thankfully someone must have decided that fruit and veg required equal opportunity and rights too.

The regulations have meant the dumping of millions of tons of perfectly good food, day in day out over the last twenty years. However in typical EU fashion they have kept the rules for some fruits. They still for example can’t get over their curvy banana fetish.

“EU nations on Wednesday (today) gave the green light for bent cucumbers and other ‘wonky’ fruit and vegetables to be sold in supermarkets and elsewhere, as part of a drive to cut red tape.

“This marks a new dawn for the curvy cucumber and the knobbly carrot,” said EU Agriculture Commissioner Mariann Fischer Boel.

“It’s a concrete example of our drive to cut unnecessary red tape. We simply don’t need to regulate this sort of thing at EU level. It is far better to leave it to market operators.” (No shit Sherlock!!)

She added that in the current climate of high food prices and economic woes “consumers should be able to choose from the widest range of products possible. It makes no sense to throw perfectly good products away, just because they are the ‘wrong’ shape.”

Representatives of most EU countries voted against the rule change, but not by the overwhelming “qualified majority” required to stop it going through, a commission spokesman said.

The rules are to be scrapped for apricots, artichokes, asparagus, aubergines, avocados, beans, Brussels sprouts, carrots, cauliflowers, cherries, courgettes, cucumbers, cultivated mushrooms, garlic, hazelnuts in shell, headed cabbage, leeks, melons, onions, peas, plums, ribbed celery, spinach, walnuts in shell, water melons, and chicory.

Standards are kept in place for 10 others, including several of the most popular items in European kitchens; apples, citrus fruit, kiwi fruit, lettuces, peaches and nectarines, pears, strawberries, sweet peppers, table grapes and tomatoes.

Mann explained that these were being maintained as a compromise to opposed member states, while assuring that there was “practically no difference” between the two categories.

Vendors will be able to sell deviant versions of the still proscribed items as long as they are labelled as a “product intended for processing” or similar.

The European Commission, the EU’s executive arm, must formally adopt the changes which, “for practical reasons”, will be implemented from next July.”

Rules for curvature of bananas are not affected.

Could this be the beginning of a trend where common sense begins to infiltrate the EU? Whatever next?

1) EU scraps Common Agricultural/Fisheries Policy.

2) EU says that a high percentage of human rights cases are in fact spurious and nonsensical.

3) EU to accept National referendum results on the European Constitution Lisbon Treaty What’s it called now?

4) EU to scrap unnecessary bureaucracy.

5) EU to scrap itself (no longer needed because of item 4)

The Things Kids Say!

My eight year old came out with two belters this evening.

First of all we were ordering an Indian carry out. ‘Would you like a curry?’ I asked her. ‘Does hippopotamus have a ‘p’ in it?’ came the reply.

Then ten minutes later having accused her ten year old sister of having ‘boobs like mushrooms’ I said, ‘Eh excuse me, that’s rude!’ to which she replied ‘Ah but rude is the new fun!’

I’m not sure if she can spell precocious.


Nothing to post this morning. I am in blue arsed fly mode (i.e. very busy) Normal service will be resumed tonight or tomorrow morning.