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Midges are Bastards!

Millions have been spent developing lotions to repel them. They have ruined many a holiday in these parts. They are probably the reason that the Ryder Cup has not yet taken place at the swanky Loch Lomond Golf Club. They are the reason why I, having decided to do a little work in the garden last night came in ten minutes later scratching like mad and crying “bastards!” Yes folks we are talking about the midge a cousin of the mosquito. So irritating are these bastards that there is even a midge forecast!

The female Scottish midge (above) is smaller and much worse on the irritation meter than the male Scottish midge (below), Although the males don’t bite but they do have a tendency to hum the Ultravox back catalogue.

Now the midge forecast is all good and well but it is showing no major problems for today. Let me tell you I’ve just been out and the bastards are active already! (it’s not even 7 am yet!!) I may be forced to buy one of these.

And what is this? well it is a midge eating machine. Available from midgebusters.co.uk It gives them a fitting end by sucking them in and burning the bastards! The one drawback is that this little beauty looks as if it weighs a ton so I think I might wait for the portable version. The cost? £475 (approx $1000)


4 Responses

  1. One method of beating the little bastards is by applying a liberal dose of Avon’s Skin So Soft. This is a Replenishing Dry Oil Body Spray (blue bottle not the pink!) and is vouched for by most (if not all) of the local anglers who fish the Leven and the Loch. Having tried it myself, in addition to having a delightful ‘sheen’ on my skin, it certainly keeps most (but obviously not all) of the little blighters well away. Give it a try!

  2. martin
    I do believe they gave this stuff to the armed forces but changed the wee girlie container
    imagine going up to a marine and challenging his sexuality
    ah dont think so !!!

  3. It’s great having you two on here – The Ben Lomond Free Press’s very own Statler and Waldorf! Thanks for the tip Martin. I’ve heard of it before but as you know where we live is so posh the Avon Lady needs to make a prior appointment!

  4. martin
    this big rab fella is very agist
    he will be a pensioner someday
    or is it jealousy mibbe
    no he has as much time on his hands as us
    he cannae be selling many hamsters

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