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A Song What I Wrote


I wrote this wee tarradidlle a few years ago. We used to play it in a previous band I was in. I harbour a notion to get all my songs together and compile a cd – not of course for a late attempt at startom but just for posterity.

Anyhoo being off today and feeling the need to do something, I made a rough demo of this song. Please be kind and reassuring with any comments!

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Philosophy – Billy Connolly Style

 This seems to have cut and pasted strangely. However this is my third attempt and you get the idea!


”Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of
longlie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and,
if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: 
tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look fucking great. 
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and
seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. 
If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend sometime every day just sitting.
Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like.
Eat plenty of Liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like.
Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like.
 Never turn down an opportunity to shout, 'Fuck them all!' at the top of your voice.
 Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole

Star was to sailors of old… look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aero planes.
 Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?.
 he's a mile away and you've got his shoes. 
Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you
when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer.
 Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. 
Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. 
If you haven't heard a good rumor by 11a.m., start one. 
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words. 

If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six 'fuck's in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. 
Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. 
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.  Campaign against blue Smarties.
 Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage
 and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, 
you'll know what I mean when I say:
 'It's good to be alive!'

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