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George Melly









George was a good guy. He wasn't the greatest jazz singer really but he was a great performer and exuded fun. When a programme appeared on T.V. ( Channel 4 I think) called Stoned in Suburbia where old grannies were featured growing skunk in their lofts, then George was a sure bet to appear – and he did!

The audio clip above sums him up.









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More from the European Patent Office

Out for a walk on a summer's day and thirsty?


No problem with this 'Heid Barrell'


Abstract of WO9939598
A headgear (12) for dispensing a substance has a container (28) to carry the substance. A spigot (14) is secured to the container (28) . The spigot (14) can be opened to dispense the substance by gravity, suction, pressure or levity flow from the container (28). The spigot (14) can be closed to retain the substance in the chamber (20). A hat-like recess (26) is formed within the bottom wall (24) of the container (28) sized for wearing on an individual's head, and for maintaining the container (28) in a freestanding condition during hands-free ambulation of the individual.






No it's not from the Gnome Xmas Mart (non Private Eye readers just google it) it's genuine! Click Here for the proof.


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From the European Patent Office

This is a must have for the flatulent man or woman about town!  Just think of the embarrassment you could save with your very own…………..Fart Collector!



Abstract of GB2289222
"A device for collecting flatus gas from a human or animal subject, the device comprising a gas-tight collecting tube 10 for insertion into the rectum of the subject and retaining means comprising a pair of O rings 18 locatable in the subject's inter-sphincter groove, for retaining the device in the subject with the O rings 18, 20 providing a gas-tight seal. The end of the tube inserted into the subject is apertured and covered with a gauze filter to prevent the ingress of solid matter. This end of the collection tube is also covered with a gas permeable bladder with the distal end of the tube being connected to a gas-tight collecting bag."





Ingress of solid matter? yes folks the inventor, Mr Colin Leaky (I kid you not!) has thought of everything! Click Here to confirm that this isn't just a joke!!

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