• August 2009
    M T W T F S S
    « Jul   Sep »
     12
    3456789
    10111213141516
    17181920212223
    24252627282930
    31  
  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 269 other followers

  • Archives

  • Categories


  • Reviewers’ Comments

    "Great read every day. Makes me smile as Rab muses about music and his irreverent views on the EU. Tune in, you won't be disappointed."

    "Excellent 'Blog' which can be controversial at times, while maintaining it's humour. Keep it up Big Rab!"

    "Updated every day with doses of good humour, political satire, a running commentary on the progress of author's home football team and his life."

    "Pure brilliant, so it is - I never miss it, though God knows, I've tried."

    "An inspiration to start my own blog"

    "For dipping into it's better than pakora sauce"

    "Anyone who doesn't like the EU and has a soft spot for Albion Rovers can't be all bad"

    "Facile and False"

    "Populist,puerile and prosaic"

    "Utter pish! Keep it up, I love it!"

    "People may also find the Ben Lomond Free Press blog illuminating, interesting and/or amusing. It’s not mentalist as such but familiar themes emerge. I particularly like accounts of encounters with strange elementals (of course! ELEmentals!) from elfin safety. And the fact that the blog is run by someone who plays in a blues band called Harmonica Lewinsky."

  • Hit Me!

    • 1,210,456 hits since January 2008
  • Top Rated

Wha’s Like Us?

I see several newspapers amongst them the Daily Mail carrying the story about haggis being invented by the English. If you really want to depress yourself click on the link and read the puerile, inane, condescending article followed by the puerile, inane condescending, readers comments.

Really, honestly who gives a flying f**k about stuff like this? its like an infants peeing contest or a handbag fight.

However if the Daily Mail wishes to start a discourse on the merits of Scottish and English inventions I may at some stage be forced to publish the following:

(Don’t do it Rab they’re not worth it! 8) )

The average Englishman in the home he call his castle slips into his national costume, a shabby raincoat, patented by Chemist Charles Macintosh (Mac)from Glasgow, Scotland.
En-route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam (Tar Macadam)of Ayr, Scotland.
He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop,(DUNLOP Tyres) Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland.
During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.
He watches the news on television, an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot, King James VI, who authorized its translation.
He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world Whisky.
He could take a rifle and end it all, but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given chloroform, an anesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask:

“Wha’s Like Us”

PS How that was written without a mention of golf, football or microwave ovens (or the deep fried Mars Bar or the Scotch pie and tattie scone sandwich) I’ll never know!

PPS An Englishman invented the Daily Mail.

The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over The Lazy Dog

Thanks to Alastair.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 269 other followers