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Wherza Burdz?

In Coatbridge apparently!
I have a feeling my friend Patrick Rolink is flying a kite here but he’s never one to miss a publicity opportunity!

McAvennie in frame for Rovers manager post

FRANK McAVENNIE has expressed an interest in becoming the new gaffer of Albion Rovers. The Celtic legend is the shock name in the frame following John McCormack’s decision to join Hamilton Accies as assistant manager last Friday.Informal talks between McAvennie and Cliftonhill director Pat Rolink have already taken place. It would be an amazing coup for Rovers should they manage to capture the signature of one of football’s most colourful characters. Macca, who also enjoyed two hugely successful spells with London giants West Ham United, told the Advertiser: “We had a chat about the job and other things. It was nice to have a talk about it and good to see Pat again. “Football is in my blood and of course this is the type of thing that is interesting for me. “But whether it is right for me, we will just have to wait and see. There are a lot of things happening at the moment. “You have got to start somewhere and of course the club want to play at a higher level. “Cowboy is very ambitious and spoke very highly of the club. I’ve talked with Pat and we will see where that takes us. “If it is beneficial to both parties then we will get our heads round the table and have a talk.”

Mr Rolink said: “I had a meeting with Frank McAvennie and, yes, we did discuss the manager’s job, amongst a number of other things.” He added: “We are staying quite open-minded about who the manager could be and we will be speaking to Paul Martin, John’s assistant, when he comes back from holiday.” The club are now inviting applications for the vacant post, with several bosses keen on taking over the Cliftonhill hot-seat. Mr Rolink admitted the timing of McCormack’s departure is “dreadful”. He also revealed the club were devastated to hear he was leaving – but said he would have been “foolish” to snub SPL new boys Accies. “I was gutted when I heard the news but we feel this shows the ambition we had when we took him on,” Mr Rolink said. “We are obviously devastated to lose John, not only from a professional point of view but on a personal level as well. “He is an extremely enthusiastic person to have about the place and is a great character and a great motivator. We are all confident that he will do a great job for Hamilton Accies and we wish him nothing but the best of luck. “The timing is dreadful but Albion Rovers is a place where people can aspire to achieve. “We don’t have a lot in terms of wages and things like that but we are a shop window and if people get the chance to better themselves, we will support them.” When asked if he felt the club was being left in the lurch, Mr Rolink added: “I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t take on a job that would be better for them or their family. The one thing I know about John is that he is a big family man. He now has a two-year full-time contract and he had to take that – he would have been foolish if he hadn’t.

“I also know that every one of the board of directors would have driven John to Hamilton to sign his contract.

“I would like to think Albion Rovers fans are happy for John and realise our limitations.“We are a small club but occasionally we can give someone a step-up and if ever a man deserved a step-up, it is John. “Whoever comes in and replaces John will have big shoes to fill. It is going to be difficult to find a man who ticked all the boxes like John did.”

Viz -a Viz

Viz comic is childish and puerile. It is repetitive to the extent that you think you’ve read all the stories before. I love it although I have never bought it and the reason is that Mrs. B is a regular purchaser. This is totally out of character as she will be the very one to say “Oh I don’t like such and such a comedian because he swears too much”. Over the years there have been some brushes with the law. Who can forget “Kappa Slappa” (sportswear firm Kappa were not amused and launched a lawsuit). “Thieving Gypsy Bastards” about travelling people who set up camp on a middle class family’s lawn (“I can do as I please and there ain’t nothing you can do about it copper”) elicited an apology in the following issue and got them even more readers in the process. “Modern Parents” takes the piss out of trendy left wing values whilst “Victorian Dad” (“we shall now go to church and suffer hypocrisy for two hours in sub zero temperatures”) does the same to the right.

More info on Viz Here

viz

Of course one of Viz’s best aspects is the readers tips. This too was the subject of legal interest , this time by Viz themselves, over the McDonalds Corporation’s ad campaign in 1996 which seemed to borrow heavily from the Viz format. Below are some sample tips:

HOMELESS people. Lighten your load by not buying a dog.

SLOVENLY householders. Always keep a few ‘Get Well Soon’ cards on the mantlepiece. When unexpected visitors arrive you can tell them that you have not been well and that’s why the house is untidy

BIKERS! Remember to give two or three blips of your throttle, when stopping at the pub. This will remind patrons on the patio that you master a beast, likely to burst into life at any moment, of its own volition.

MONKS. Conduct a life of celibacy and emotional solitude without joining a monastery by simply living with my wife. It’s more comfortable and you’ll be able to watch TV and use the internet.

FEEL a bit like God for the day by making some little people out of plasticine, and then judging them harshly.

OLD PEOPLE. Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. They won’t run out of money. It’s not like the queue outside the butcher’s during the war.

DAILY Mail editors. Confuse your readers by claiming that asylum seekers are the natural predators of paedophiles.

I’ve thought of a few myself. SHOPPERS Why not annoy shopkeepers & totally confuse subsequent shoppers by randomly taking goods from one location and leaving them at your arse in a totally different one.

PEDESTRIANS Add colour and interest to other pedestrians’ lives by stopping unpredictably, not looking where you are going and texting while you make your way along Dumbarton High Street.

Any more anyone? (This of course invited the usual number of replies!)

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