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Genuine Classifieds

Well according to my mate Stevie, they’re genuine!

One for the Best Sellers List?

I nearly swerved off the road yesterday when this item came on Radio Scotland. A group of Muslim scholars are to translate the Koran into Gaelic! I’m looking forward to the signing sessions at Waterstones for that one! the queues, the jostling crowds…..perhaps not.

However there are quite charming aspects to the Gaelic language. For instance there are only 18 letters and they are all named after trees. A grav accent lengthens the letter but is not considered a separate letter.

A a B b C c D d E e F f G g H h I i
Ailm
(Elm)
Beith
(Birch)
Coll
(Hazel)
Dair
(Oak)
Eadha
(Aspen)
Fearn
(Alder)
Gort
(Ivy)
Uath
(Hawthorn)
Iogh
(Yew)
L l M m N n O o P p R r S s T t U u
Luis
(Rowan)
Muin
(Vine)
Nuin
(Ash)
Oir/Onn
(Gorse)
Peithe
(Guelder Rose)
Ruis
(Elder)
Suil
(Willow)
Teine
(Furze)
Ur
(Heather)

I remember though some of the TV programmes, of which there were many, in the 80’s and 90’s presented in Gaelic. One consisted of contestants drawing clues on a whiteboard for their team to guess the film or book they were trying to convey. I can’t speak a single word of Gaelic but the programme certainly had comedy value. Cathy MacDonald was an ever present, as was a guy with a beard and a collection of “wacky” baseball hats which often had hands protruding from them (I had a particularly amusing idea for a hat but alas, I never sent it in). The whole thing looked as if it was being presented for very young children, or perhaps adults without an air tight skull. At the point where someone got the correct answer there was much collective celebration, cheering and clapping of the type normally seen by pre-fives when the ice cream van has come. Come to think of it I’m sure one of those comedy hats involved an ice cream cone.

Anyway, the Koran in Gaelic is surely a marketing disaster which set me thinking of what other niche books I could come up with.

What about, The Free Kirk Assembly Minutes in Urdu? The Rules of Shinty in Swahili? The North Uist Weather Forecast in Esperanto? On a wider note we could have the Wendy Book of Political Nouse or The Jeffrey Archer Guide to Honesty and Integrity.

I’m sure readers will have their own suggestions……..

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