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The Mull of Kintyre Pornography Test

The Mull of Kintyre test was an unofficial guideline said to have been used by the British Board of Film Classification in the United Kingdom to decide whether an image of a man's penis could be shown.
The BBFC would not permit the general release of a film or video if it depicted a phallus erect to the point that the angle it made from the vertical (the "angle of the dangle" as it was often known) was larger than that of the Mull of Kintyre, Argyll and Bute, on maps of Scotland.



According to Professor John Hoyles of the University of Hull, the guideline was adopted by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) in 1992. Hoyles presented it as "the male performer's penis must never appear more than slightly tumescent". The Scottish lawyer Richard Findlay had previously alluded to it in a 1999 interview with Annette McCann. This test was subsequently adopted by UK television broadcasters and by some print publishers.
According to writer Emily Dubberley, the rule hampered the 1990s trend toward feminist pornography; since "you couldn't show a man in a state of arousal", the allowed depiction was "hardly a turn-on", and she criticized it as a double standard that was permitted due to the perception that women did not respond erotically to visual stimuli
In 2000, a BBFC spokeswoman commenting upon the criteria that the BBFC uses for classification denied that this test existed.
By 2002 the BBFC had largely abandoned its restrictions on the depiction of tumescent penes. The rule is thought to have first been broken on UK television by a 2003 Channel 4 series entitled Under the Knife with Miss Evans.

Thank you to Wikipedia

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Alexei in Full Flow!

A Word From Our Sponsor – Alexei Sayle

The above is a commercial Alexei Sayle did for Friends of the Earth. I must post some of Alexei's classic sketches but here he is in serious mode. The commercial uses Tesco's tag line "Every Little Helps" in an ironic way. Tesco have sattelite systems which analyze shopping patterns worldwide. In the UK they are doing everything from estate agency to dry cleaning, I believe they are doing in store funerals and weddings in places in England (Presumably they have a separate room!). Supermarket shopping is convenient and is very price competitive. Those of us who are involved at the 'coal face' of retailing must somehow try to compete. It remains to be seen just how much of the retail cake that Tesco, Asda etc. will capture but it seems they wont rest in trying to always capture a bigger share. This is all bad news for small family run businesses trying to survive in such a competitive market. In my business case we try to focus on personal service. We are also launching a web site soon (having dabbled on Ebay in the past).



The poem below from Robert Service written in the early part of the 20th century points out that running a small shop has perhaps always involved an element of risk!


The Wee Shop

She risked her all, they told me, bravely sinking
The pinched economies of thirty years;
And there the little shop was, meek and shrinking,
The sum of all her dreams and hopes and fears.
Ere it was opened I would see them in it,
The gray-haired dame, the daughter with her crutch;
So fond, so happy, hoarding every minute,
Like artists, for the final tender touch.

The opening day! I'm sure that to their seeming
Was never shop so wonderful as theirs;
With pyramids of jam-jars rubbed to gleaming;
Such vivid cans of peaches, prunes and pears;
And chocolate, and biscuits in glass cases,
And bon-bon bottles, many-hued and bright;
Yet nothing half so radiant as their faces,
Their eyes of hope, excitement and delight.

I entered: how they waited all a-flutter!
How awkwardly they weighed my acid-drops!
And then with all the thanks a tongue could utter
They bowed me from the kindliest of shops.
I'm sure that night their customers they numbered;
Discussed them all in happy, breathless speech;
And though quite worn and weary, ere they slumbered,
Sent heavenward a little prayer for each.

And so I watched with interest redoubled
That little shop, spent in it all I had;
And when I saw it empty I was troubled,
And when I saw them busy I was glad.
And when I dared to ask how things were going,
They told me, with a fine and gallant smile:
"Not badly . . . slow at first . . . There's never knowing . . .
'Twill surely pick up in a little while."

I'd often see them through the winter weather,
Behind the shutters by a light's faint speck,
Poring o'er books, their faces close together,
The lame girl's arm around her mother's neck.
They dressed their windows not one time but twenty,
Each change more pinched, more desperately neat;
Alas! I wondered if behind that plenty
The two who owned it had enough to eat.

Ah, who would dare to sing of tea and coffee?
The sadness of a stock unsold and dead;
The petty tragedy of melting toffee,
The sordid pathos of stale gingerbread.
Ignoble themes! And yet — those haggard faces!
Within that little shop. . . . Oh, here I say
One does not need to look in lofty places
For tragic themes, they're round us every day.

And so I saw their agony, their fighting,
Their eyes of fear, their heartbreak, their despair;
And there the little shop is, black and blighting,
And all the world goes by and does not care.
They say she sought her old employer's pity,
Content to take the pittance he would give.
The lame girl? yes, she's working in the city;
She coughs a lot — she hasn't long to live.


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Sunday Listening

Common Sense!! – Coooeeee! Where Are You?

The Scottish School of Common Sense flourished in the late-18th and early-19th century. It found its roots in responses to the writings of such philosophers as John Locke, George Berkeley, and David Hume, and its most prominent members were Thomas Reid and William Hamilton (who combined Reid's approach with the philosophy of Immanuel Kant. It was an influence on the work of American pragmatist C. S. Peirce.

The central concern of the school is the defence of common sense against philosophical paradox and scepticism. Common-sense beliefs govern the lives and thought even of those who avow non-commonsensical beliefs, and matters of common sense are within "the reach of common understanding". This isn't to say that critical thought isn't sometimes necessary in order to establish whether or not a particular belief is a belief of common sense, but once one has established that it is, it simply follows that that belief is true.


Of course to most of us common sense is an everyday concept rather than an obscure branch of philosiphy. I'm indebted to a blogger who calls him/herself The White Settler for summing up the longing for common sense in the modern world in the item below (I have added to it slightly in the way that the UK parliament adds little bits and pieces to Euro law). I'm sure it will strike a chord for those of you incredulous at the latest Euro laws or case at the Convention of Human Rights

As an aside do you know that more legislation has passed in to statute since the UK joined the Common Market than had been passed previously since 1066? (I'm going to have a rant on this soon I can tell)



                                                                                                                Common Sense 

I have been searching for you everywhere, but can't find you. I looked for you at the UN Security Couincil meeting last week, but alas no sign of you. I searched for you at the Foreign Office, still no sign of you, not even a whiff of your odour, I tried Downing Street, but you haven't been there for a while, I had a wee peek in the Scottish Parly. ( just in case you had visited there recently ) but no, there was again no sign of you. I visited Brussells and Strasbourg too but not only weren't you there, they're trying to erradicate any evidence that you ever existed.
 I even had a look in The White House, I'm really getting desperate now, but nobody had ever heard of you. I then thought that maybe you had gone over to the Middle-East, ( although I know you've hardly ever been there ) but again you were nowhere to be seen, not in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Isreal/Palestine or Lebanon. So where are you? Have you deserted us in our hour of need? Just when we need you the most you vanish, without a trace. Where are you my old friend?
My friends I have some very sad news for you, I don't know how to tell you, but I'll be brave and give it a go, but please understand that this is very hard for me to do.
This friend of all peoples helped us to decide things, like don't spend more than you earn, life isn't always fair, adults are in charge, and not children, . We should have seen this coming when, schools were required to get parental permission to put on a sticking plaster to a childs cut finger, or give out headache pills, but could hand out contraceptives and assist with abortions, but not inform the parents. Then we have those criminals in prisons being treated better than our pensioners, and the victims of their crime. How did we not notice that our friend had passed away ( we never even knew that our friend was ill ) Is saying sorry too dificult a word for our leaders? Is saying sorry, but we thought that we were in Iraqi waters not the right thing to do? Could we not just sit down have a cup of coffee/tea and shake hands and be friends? Is it too much to ask? Well my friends I will now pause so that we can remember our good trusty friend in our own way …………………. Thank you friends, we will all miss Common-Sense, goodbye and thank you for reading this ……

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Picture This.






I'm not a serious photographer. In fact I have two fairly basic digital cameras but I do enjoy taking a good photo. Plenty of them are rubbish of course but every so often I get one just right and I'm chuffed.

I took this one of the Waverley paddle steamer at Helensburgh Pier 










I took this one on holiday on the beautiful isle of Arran in 2005. I had noticed an accoustic jam session advertised at the hotel at Kildonan. With the kids tucked up and the missus settled in front of the telly, I set off with guitar and harmonicas to Kildonan. As I arrived there this glorious picture presented itself and fortunately I had the camera on hand. The picture shows the Ailsa Craig in the distance and the little isle of Pladda with its lighthouse.







This one shows the French Prison at Dumbarton Rock. The Rock has a very long and interesting history going back thousands of years. During the Napoleonic wars French prisoners were held here hence the name.

I took this photo from the track at Strathclye Homes Stadium Dumbarton as a game progressed between Dumbarton and Rangers in July 2006.

Which brings me to the next one…







As I have previously mentioned I was chairman of the Craig Brittain Testimonial Committee. Craig has played for Dumbarton for 10 years and we organised a match against Rangers as one of the events.  As an organiser I was priveleged to be able to take some photos from the track during the game. Surely there isn't a more spectacular setting for a football ground in the U.K.

It's hard to believe the game was a year ago this week. Dumbarton won the game, against a Rangers side made up mainly of reserves 1-0.


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In the Words of Meatloaf, Rock ‘n’ Roll In Rhu!



Enjoyable gig last night although my voice is suffering a bit today.

There were a lot of refugees from the sailing regatta which took place during the day at the gig. It's fair to say that these folks music of choice wouldn't be the blooze but they were a good crowd and responded really well. We played two sets of 90 minutes. (The question of whether I'm getting too old for this arose once again!)






Jim Schultz came along and took these photos. Jim is from the U.S.A. & is everything from a qualified chiropractor (amongst his clients are Rangers F.C. whose players know him as Doctor Jim) to sound man at the Clyde Bar, to the guy who pours the whisky at the Helensburgh Whisky Tasting Club! (Full account of proceedings on the blog next weekend!)


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Be There or Be Square!

Harmonica Lewinsky tonight at the Rhu Inn at 9:30.

Looking forward to renewing a few acquaintences tonight like Donald McKillop and Shug Anderson. Whether my other old Rhu mate Dougie Miller will turn up I don't know. He left home to buy a power card ten years ago, and has variously appeared in Rothesay, Maryhill and is currently believed to be somewhere in the Motherwell vicinity.

Next week's gig at the Clyde Bar is now in some doubt. Rhythm of Blues will not be appearing but I think we'll still be doing the gig since it has been heavilly advertised including on Rock Radio 96.

 Will update after the weekend.

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A Song What I Wrote


I wrote this wee tarradidlle a few years ago. We used to play it in a previous band I was in. I harbour a notion to get all my songs together and compile a cd – not of course for a late attempt at startom but just for posterity.

Anyhoo being off today and feeling the need to do something, I made a rough demo of this song. Please be kind and reassuring with any comments!

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Philosophy – Billy Connolly Style

 This seems to have cut and pasted strangely. However this is my third attempt and you get the idea!


”Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of
longlie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and,
if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: 
tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look fucking great. 
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and
seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. 
If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend sometime every day just sitting.
Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like.
Eat plenty of Liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like.
Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like.
 Never turn down an opportunity to shout, 'Fuck them all!' at the top of your voice.
 Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole

Star was to sailors of old… look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aero planes.
 Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?.
 he's a mile away and you've got his shoes. 
Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you
when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer.
 Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. 
Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. 
If you haven't heard a good rumor by 11a.m., start one. 
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words. 

If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six 'fuck's in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. 
Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. 
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.  Campaign against blue Smarties.
 Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage
 and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, 
you'll know what I mean when I say:
 'It's good to be alive!'

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